Well it appears my little love bug is turning one. If it wasn't so much fun to watch to him learn, develop and grow I would be much sadder about the situation. I have not been able to find a pause button to freeze time and keep him just as he is, so I guess the next best thing I can do is write about it so I can look back and remember all the precious moments we've spent together this past year.
Luckily with all the chaos that goes along with putting our home on the market, moving and keeping up with my growing, adventurous and always moving little man - I haven't had too much time to think about this milestone. Realizing he isn't a baby anymore hits at the oddest moments; my eyes water and a mixture of saddness and joy splash through my body, I know I haven't fully reconciled this transition emotionally yet. There are tears just waiting for the right moment to be shed, I just don't know when it will be.
What I do know is that I'm truly blessed to have this time with my son. I feel lucky everyday that I've been able to stay home with him. My mornings spent over blueberry waffles, finding our nose in the mirror and reading book after book. Not in the boardroom, on conference calls or at meetings. This first year, I sometimes felt I was loosing myself, my career, my time, my freedom; but have finally come to realize I'm the person God always intended me to be - the mother to my children. The most important job, I'll ever have. I've had to say no a lot more, but what I've been given, far outweighs what I'll ever give up.
Some days I rock it. Home-cooked all organic delicious meals, interactive play, singing songs with puppets, attentively reading books, awesome naps, fun times with friends and lots of laughs, hugs and kisses sprinkled in-between. Some days I don't, no naps-which means no showers, a baby hanging onto my leg crying while I try to put together our next meal, running late to this activity or that, feeling frustrated and overwhelmed - what am I doing wrong, why doesn't he want to play with his toys?! Luckily most days are a mix where the good always outweighs the bad. I know the impact of my love, support and companionship in these early years will stay with him a lifetime. I'm so grateful to be married to the most wonderful man who provides for us and is a fantastic, loving and fun father to our son. The two of them will be best friends for the rest of their lives. It's so cool to see the two guys I love the most, love each other.
Speaking of friends, I couldn't have made it through this first year of motherhood without mine. My life long friends, my mommy friends and my family have been a constant cheering squad and helped me to grow as a mother and feel happy and confident in my parenting decisions. The texts with my cousin, who's son was born a few hours before James kept me going when things looked grim, it's been fun to compare notes and seek encouragement and advice from each other - I'm so glad we've been able to share this wild ride together. I also made a pact of friends in my mom's group who stole my heart, sometimes help it to remember how to beat and always fill it with joy. If Jame's first birthday is easier for me to get through it's because I cried my eyes out when their little guys turned one a few months ahead of us.
Looking back, this has been the fullest, fastest, and by far most fun year of my life. The best part is, I know this adventure has just begun and I'm looking forward to celebrating many more birthdays with lots of laughs, hugs and kisses sprinkled in-between.